Reports indicate that the hairy, middle-aged Jewish man you spotted at your local fitness center locker room, is still in the nude. Although it has been some eight hours from the time you had your cardio session on the elliptical machine, accounts claims the creepy man has yet to begin dressing his portly stomach or excessively hairy chest and forearms.
After unsuspectingly entering the men’s locker room this morning, you were no-doubt stunned to see an out-of-shape nude man nonchalantly waltzing throughout the locker room facility. Eyewitnesses have also confirmed that he’s still stretching his right upper hamstring on the wooden benches.
“Hey,” shouted the man, “I threw my back out playing hopscotch with the little ones two months ago. Doctors say I need the surgery. What a shtuken nisht in Harts.”
He’s claimed to have repeated this story some twelve times after your departure, to no one in particular.
Pedophiliac mannerisms coupled with sexually suggestive hand gestures kept you afar from the man as you awkwardly changed into your work clothes. Despite your most valiant efforts to avoid eye contact with the prying man, he managed to obtain a “sometimes” after your answering his question, “So how often do you come here?” Others claimed that his hollow blue eyes seemed to have pierced their souls. Tensions only escalated after he began rubbing his stomach in large concentric circles.
“Look at me!” he continued, “I’m shvitzin’ like a Korean shvet-shop over here!” The man proceeded to stretch his right hamstring for six more hours.
“Ah, it’s a deep burn!” shouted the unclad man.
This just in: Eyewitness photographs have now confirmed rumors that the man has now wandered from the locker room to the recreational area, and has proceeded with a cardio session on the stationary bike.
