“We’ve got holidays commemorating love, togetherness and gratitude…why not a holiday for unfiltered, sinful bliss?” questioned Hallmark President Donald J. Hall.
The semi-erect Hall claimed that on National Cheat Day, “every person in every relationship across America understands and accepts the fact that his or her partner will cheat. Married or un-married. Accepting this idea will come much easier to a hesitant individual if they in fact go out and cheat. It’s not really cheating if everyone’s doing it.”
Hall went on to say he claimed there would be zero negative effects from the holiday; in fact, he saw nothing but positives. “Look, we’re helping people out here. Just go out, get wild, let it all out of your system for just one day, God dammit.
“Want to nail that fiery secretary at work? Go right ahead. Want to fellate that muscle-bound pool boy of yours? Dive in. Want to molest your thirteen-year-old stepchild? The world is yours.”
“All you have to do,” continued Hall, while stroking his desk in small concentric circles, “is stop cheating the following day, and continue on with your monogamous relationship like nothing ever happened.”
Hallmark unveiled some new National Cheat Day cards that one can give to their spouse every June 9th. Below are some examples (Click to Enlarge):
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