Mack Brown Trampled to Death During Pre Game Running-Onto-The-Field Festivities

Austin, TX: Tragedy struck Darrell K. Royal Memorial Stadium Saturday evening when the Texas Longhorns took to the field verse their season opener Florida Atlantic. In a tradition going back as far as Texas football was conceived, players and coaches would take the field in what’s now a typical football fashion—by sprinting onto the field with the band playing the fight song. Typically, the head coach [now deceased Mack Brown] would lead the football players onto the playing field.

Witnesses claimed the overly excited Texas football team tripped up Mack Brown, causing him to collapse hard to the ground, with the seemingly oblivious football players stomping upon Mack’s increasingly lifeless corpse. Reports are yet to confirm who it was that first accidentally tripped up Brown, although fans claim it was six foot four, two hundred sixty pound toddler-eating man-beast Brian Orakpo. “OU Sucks!” later screamed the ignorant Orakpo.

“I guess I got them a little jacked up,” said new defensive coordinator Will Muschamp. “It’s amazing how far a little meth can go.”

Doctors stated Brown was trampled upon some “60 to 70 times,” adding they were “somewhat dumbfounded the players didn’t realize their head coach’s body lay dying beneath their clomping cleats."

Despite the game being cancelled, the overly enthused Texas Longhorn football players apparently still believed the game was to begin at any moment. Some of the players jumped up and down in a giant huddle, others “popped and locked,” a few started the tried Soulja Boy Superman Dance, with the remaining doing that thing where two guys run at each other and then jump up and have the shoulder pads connect in mid-air.

“Let’s do this!” exclaimed Henry Melton.

Will Muschamp stated he disapproved of the team’s attitude. “I don’t see enough intensity in these guys. If we waltz in like this when the [Missouri] Tigers come, we’ll get slapped around for sure,” claimed Muschamp as he helped load Brown’s mangled corpse onto a stretcher.


Somewhere among the sea of smoke, players, and fear, Mack Brown being trampled upon.