Brent Lorne’s life came to a tragic end Wednesday evening after slipping on the sperm he had released onto his bathtub floor just two minutes previous to his death. According to reports and nearby roommate, Lorne pleasured himself (as he did most nights according to said roommate), then walked into the kitchen to make a turkey sandwich, still half erect, then walked back to his room to take a shower when the incident happened.
Roommate Troy Friedman stated, “Brent’s last words were, ‘I’m fuckin’ starving, bro,’ walked into his bathroom and then I just heard a loud crash. Really loud. Like almost deafening. He must have slipped really hard on that stuff.”
Added Troy, “He always bragged his loads were huge, but good God…”
Investigators claimed he turned on the shower, placed his right foot into the tub, then proceeded to slip on his man-seed, slamming his head against the bathtub faucet, opening a large gash in the back of his cranium.
Authorities have yet to comment on the irony of the situation in that semen, the giver of life, was in this case the taker.
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